Stardate: 10811.1818
Author: Jorran T'al
Title: SOULTREK: ARCADIA
Scene: Somewhere, out there...
Time: 2pm on a Wednesday Afternoon


***REM***

The place was quiet, the lights were off and the doors locked...No one was home.

***ENGINEERING***

The large warpcore stood in the middle, a cold cup of coffee stood on the control panel nearby. The lights were off and a faint echo of talking could be heard nearby. Only one person could be seen. He held a broom and had a name badge on his uniform. It read 'Steve'.

***C & C***

Ah, here was everyone! Captain Catrina Bell, the commanding officer of the largest space station in Starfleet sat in behind her desk, in her office. Commander Gilbert, the station's first officer had just emerged from the turbo lift...

Thhhhhhhh! Went the door.

Lt. Commander Tessa St. James was at her Ops console that stood a little in front and to the right of the Captain's office. She nodded to the XO.

The console that stood a little in front and to the left of the Captain's office was that of Security. The large Russian Chief of Security, Pioter Razmenkov, had a PADD in his hand and was busy issuing the days duties to his fellow Security officers of Ensigns Elora Cage, a no nonsense security chick with blonde hair. Allison Mulhoune, scourge of Brown Sector. And Boka, the android.

Lt. Commander Kally Calhoun was working at the science station that stood to the left of the turbo lift, in line with the Ops console with the main viewscreen in-between them.

She was deep in conversation Ensign Rekellen T'Rul, a female Romulan, complete with regulation pointy ears and sporting a hair style that looked like your mother would do to save money from not sending you to a real barber...

...In Kally's hand was a coffee mug. It had the words 'Worlds Greatest Mom' printed upon it.

To the right of the turbo lift and along the far wall stood the Engineering station. Three people stood around here at the moment. Lt. Commander Jorran T'al, Arcadia's Chief Engineer, Lieutenant (jg) Ethan Mason and Ensign Raltek Berol.

The three were pointing at a monitor with a picture of the warpcore on it and talking...Every so often Jorran T'al would pause, ever so slightly, look at his hand, then continue with his piece of technobabble.

In-between the Engineering console and Security console was Tactical. At the moment the Tactical station was empty, a small 'post-it' note could be seen to read 'Warehouse 2, Section 3'.

Thhhhh! Went the door to the Captain's office as Commander Gilbert walked in. Lt. Commander Maak, Arcadia's Klingon Chief Tactical Officer stood to attention.

"Ah, Commander, you are punctual as ever." Smiled Captain Catrina Bell as she indicated to a vacant chair in front of her.

Commander Gilbert nodded to Maak who then stood at ease. "Captain." The Android stated. "It takes precisely 2 minutes and 44 seconds to travel from my quarters to Ops. I leave my quarters at exactly 7.56 am and 17 seconds." The Android XO took the seat next to the Klingon CTO.

"Commander, it's 8am now? What happened to the remaining...59 seconds?" Pondered Catrina out loud.

"...I like to look at the daisies outside Crewman Fortuna's quarters." Gilbert replied after a short pause.

Catrina smiled. "Well, on to business." She said. "Mister Maak, how goes the new torpedo tube upgrades?"

The Klingon put down the cup of tea that he was given by the Captain when he first came into her office.

"...Errr...Well..."

PLIP!!!

One of Maak's bushy eyebrows had fallen into the tea...

"CUT!!!!" Shouted John Migliore, stepping out from behind a camera. "Goddamnit!" He mumbled as he stomped over to the three. He paused at the doors that didn't open. "Well???" He called to the stage hand.

"Hey, I'm on my lunch break." Came the reply.

John Migliore marched around the office set to see Maak fishing out the eyebrow from the cup. "Well Mark?"

"Look." Mark/Maak said. "This is not my fault...Beverly fluffed her lines and..."

"I most certainly did NOT!" Huffed Beverly, folding her arms across her red Starfleet uniform. "It's the way you waggle those eyebrows of yours."

Joe Purish took out the Gilbert contacts and placed them in their little container. "I'm working with amateurs." He mumbled.

"Hey!!!" Shouted John. "Where the hell are you going?"

"To my trailer! Call me when you got this sorted!" Joe walked off the set and headed for his trailer. "I was on Broadway you know! I played Hamlet!" Was his last remark.

"Hey? Where'd Joey go?" Came the British accent.

"None of your business!" Yelled John.

"Hey, just asking, Bub."

"Oh! And while you're here." Continued Migliore. "Stop glancing down to your hand...We can see it on camera!"

"Hey! You know how difficult it is to say that technobabble crap?"

"And have you been working on your accent? I think not! Jorran isn't English, Paul."

"Mutter, mumble, lousy uppity Americans, mumble..."

"What was that?"

"I said." Paul/Jorran replied. "That I think Gilbert had the right idea! I'm off too. To a pub that serves real ENGLISH beer...Not your pasty watery American piddle!" And with that the Brit stormed off in the same direction as Joe had.

"I've one word for you 'bub' and that's Greencard!" John Migliore the director shouted after him.

"That's TWO words, moron!" He returned.

"That's it!!! I'm moving you to our cheesy early morning soap, 'DS23 of Our Lives'!"

The last sight before Paul turned the corner was him giving the director the finger.

"What is it with you people??? Just say ya lines and don't look directly at the camera, is it that hard???" John Migliore puffed.

"I did NOT fluff my lines!" Stamped Beverly/Catrina.

"You did." Countered Mark/Maak. "You said 'Mister Maak, how goes the new torpedo tube upgrades?' when the written line is 'Mister Maak, how are these new torpedo tube upgrades going?'"

Beverly narrowed her eyes at Mark...

Mark narrowed his eyes at Beverly...

PLIP!!! Went the remaining eyebrow.

"MAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEUP!!!" Yelled out Migliore.

"Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

John Migliore, Beverly Bimini and Mark Taylor turned around to see Cheri pointing to the eyebrowless Klingon.

"You're not even in this scene!" Bellowed John, jumping up and down whilst grabbing his head. "You're meant to be in makeup! There is a Deena & Yol scene in 2 hours!"

"...That's today???" Cheri asked, her laughing coming to a sudden stop. "That's next week, isn't it?" She began to flick though the script.

"No, it's today..."

"Ha!" Cheri/Tessa called out. "See, right here." She shoved the script under John's nose and pointed. The date above the scene read: 08/17/01.

"That's a 1." He said steadily.

"It's bloody not!"

"It is!"

"Man, you need to work on that, JM."

"No wonder Bev fluffed her lines." Laughed Mark.

"I did NOT fl..."

"ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Screamed Migliore. "You are all determined to drive me crazy."

He then pointed to Cheri.

"You! You get that ass of yours to make and get that green paint slapped on real quick...And for the last time, MORE BOSOM!!! Research has proven them a hit with the 16 - 24 male demographic..."

"You can take your demographic and shove it up your ar..."

"It's in your contract!" He said flustered.

"You can shove that too." She retorted as she turned and marched out in the same direction of Joe and Paul.

"You can't do this!!! It says in your contract that..."

"At least all Paul did was cop a feel once in a while, but HE never demanded me to show my bosom...Ok, there was that one time at the Christmas party last year, but he was drunk..." Cheri turned the corner and disappeared from view.

John looked back at Beverly and saw Maak attempt to force the Klingon eyebrows back on...

PLIP!!!

PLIP!!!

"MAAAAAAAAAAAAKEUP!!!" Yelled the director again.

=^=

Well, thirty minutes had passed with no more filming taken place. In fact the fiasco that had started with 1 Klingon eyebrow falling off an actor's head, had now grown into half the main actors and support cast walking out...

"Look, JM." Said Scott Kelley. "I agreed to get that hair cut...I agreed to loose the beard...I agreed with the removing of my character from a civilian to part of the crew...I agreed to my character getting his shirt torn open in every fight...I even agreed to having my character be a flirt and a ladies man...BUT there is NO way I'll do THAT..." He pointed to page 68 of the script. "...With a large melon and inflatable sheep! Who the hell do you think I am? That Brit, Paul?"

"Look...I can sense your unease with this, but..."

"Unease? Unease? You're friggin' right I'm uneasy with this, pal!"

"...But," John continued, "It will be funny...This show needs more humour."

"Then get my stunt double to do it!"

"You know full well your last stunt double left cause of his allergy to EMU!"

"You're are a ..."

"Fine! There be no inflatable sheep." Sighed Migliore.

"Or melon." Stated Scott.

"What??? You're destroying the essence of the gag!"

Scott Kelley walked over to the prop cart and threw the melon against the wall. It shattered into a dozen pieces.

"Right! There's your destroyed essence, I'm off to the pub to look for Paul, get really sloshed and talk about Cheri's bosom till dawn!"

And with that, Scott Kelley left the set...

Mark threw a Klingon eyebrow at Beverly which went wide of its target and struck John Migliore in the back of the head...

"MAAAAAAAAAAAKEUP!!! Where the hell is MAAAAAAAAAKEUP???"

"I did NOT fluff my lines!" Stamped Beverly again.

"You did!"

"Not!"

"Did So!"

"You're just jealous cause I get top billing!"

"I got the better parking spot!"

"My fan base is bigger!"

"My trading card is worth more!"

"Since when?"

"Since it was discovered that several hundred had a error printed upon them."

"...Bastard!"

"Hehehe."

"Why...Why me?" John cursed, looking up. "Why do I get them? I've won Oscars for crying out loud and now I'm stuck with a bunch of loonies!"

**************************
Paul Darren/Jorran T'al
Paranoia Studios
The Enigma Enterprise Group
ICQ: 86652779
Random_Enigma@btinternet.com


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